dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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