why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
