I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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