Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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