Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
