There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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