It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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