I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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