and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
