In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
