it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
