i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Found your dick twin last night
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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