Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
