DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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