I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
