i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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