I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
