i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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