I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
