remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
