I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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