He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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