Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
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