absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
