time to smoke my breakfast
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
