How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
