I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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