4 words: hood of his car
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
