If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Vodka?
Forever.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize