I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
