I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
