do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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