Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Randomize
