Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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