she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Randomize
