I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
