apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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