We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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