I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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