So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
