i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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