I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
