Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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