if you like me you must not know who I am
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
no, he came in my armpit
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
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