His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
