whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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