he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
