There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
