I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We need a shit load of segways right now
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
