No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
