you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
