you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
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Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
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You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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