how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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