I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
