Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
