I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
