i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
