**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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