I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
