At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
