guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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