there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
